May 26, 2008

Top 12 Ways to tell if you might be a "High Tech Redneck"

1/ If your e-mail address ends in ""

2/ If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"

3/ If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"

4/ If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"

5/ If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone.

6/ If your baseball cap reads "AOL Sucks!" instead of "CAT"

7/ If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined

8/ If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still don't miss her

9/ If you've ever used an AOL CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on

10/ If you ever refer to your computer as "Ole Bessy" or "Darlin"

11/ If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or porno star

12/ If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy ya'll" or "Hey Bubba"

May 22, 2008

You Maybe a Redneck Jedi if ....

-- You have ever heard the phrase, "May the Force be with y'all."
-- Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
-- You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of beer.
-- At least one of the wings on your X-Wing is primer colored.
-- You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
-- You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your front yard.
-- You know the worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dad-gum misskeeters.
-- Wookiees are offended by your Body Odor.
-- You have ever used the Force to get yourself another beer from the fridge so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
-- You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
-- Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, c'mon over to the Dark'll be a hoot."
-- You have ever had your R-2 unit use its electro-shock thingy to get the BBQ grill to light.
-- You have the Confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
-- You have the doors of your X-Wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
-- Although you had to kill him, you thought Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
-- You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
-- You’ve had your butt zap more than once by RD2.
-- Princes Leah is your fantasy sex object.
-- You have a whole room plastered with Hans Solo posters.

May 17, 2008

Redneck Pickup Lines:

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea.
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as winder cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

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